The Stars Brighten
by WanderingJane
Summary: They bring light into his life.


You first see her on the train. She stands out like a lighthouse on a foggy night. She cuts right through the haze of anger and despair with her bright red hair, curious eyes, and pale skin. She's small, even for a first year. You're too caught up in your own thoughts and fears to go talk to anyone, including her, but you watch her walk by your compartment and fight the urge to go after her, to grab her pale hand and beg for a smile, for her friendship. The image of your furious mother and your father's threats keep you frozen. You spend the rest of the trip wondering if they put a curse on you in your sleep.

You see her again at the sorting ceremony, moments before your name is called. You were looking around, searching for unpleasantly familiar faces when you see her shining hair. An ache builds in your chest and you want to run far away, from her, from your cousins' sneers, from everything. But you don't. You may be many things, but a coward isn't one of them. You resolutely step forward once your name is called and roughly pull the sorting hat over your eyes.

It takes an eternity to sort you and every moment that passes, you feel yourself growing more and more anxious. What if they send you home, back to your mother and father? Back to a world fueled by hatred and anger? A cold feeling washes over you, down to your toes, and you start to shake. The sorting hat continues muttering torturously in your ear, musing over your character, your fears, taking everything you are apart and observing it with morbid, clinical detachment. It's too much. It's too much to handle and you're seconds away from falling off the stool, when –

"Gryffindor!"

You feel yourself freeze, everything from the beating of your heart to your awkward limbs. The world, however, goes on. The hat is pulled from your head and the stern-looking professor shoos you toward the cheering table. You sit down, numb to everything around you. You don't pay attention to the rest of the ceremony, the headmaster's announcement, or the furious glares that your cousins' send your way. The rest of the night is a blur.

You see her again the next day, sitting primly in the front row of your Potions classroom. You're not sure if you're surprised that she was sorted into Gryffindor as well, but it certainly sends another curious wave of warmth through you. You choose a seat in the back of the classroom and watch her while the other students file in. Her hair is braided into two neat pigtails and she's hugging her textbook close to her chest. It makes for an endearing, albeit strange, sight. She sits alone until a pale boy with limp black hair sits next to her. He's wearing a green and silver striped tie. You have to fight the urge to be sick.

The weeks pass quickly and you're too busy with schoolwork and dodging Slytherins to notice her. She's in every single one of your classes, but you immerse yourself in your studies and your own dark thoughts to think about her. You no longer look up like an excitable puppy at the sound of her sweet, soprano voice and you don't search for her pale, pale skin. You don't even notice her bright hair anymore.

It all changes the day that you get your first detention. You're too busy thinking about one particularly loud roommate of yours when you stumble upon a horrifyingly familiar scene. Your cousin, Bellatrix, and two of her friends are have their wands pointed at someone, someone with very familiar red hair. The three Slytherins regurgitate the same poisonous words that you've grown up hearing, the same beliefs that took you only a couple days at Hogwarts to realize where utter lies that are fueled by fear, hatred, and pride.

You don't hesitate to draw your wand and run over. You don't know how to do any spells that would cause any damage, but you're too afraid for the girl, for Lily, to do not interfere. You boldly point your wand at them and are pleasantly surprised to find Lily standing next to you, her face grim and her books clutched in a death grip against her chest.

The conflict is over before it even begins. A Hufflepuff prefect intervenes and gives everyone detention. You explain what happened and the prefect lets Lily off with a warning. You still have to serve detention. You worry if your parents will find out and what they'll do to you if they do. You're so lost in your thoughts that you don't notice Lily timidly approach you until she speaks.

"Thank you," she says quietly.

"You're welcome," is all you can say. It seems to be enough because Lily's face breaks into a shy smile and it's all you can think about for the rest of the day.

When you walk into the trophy room for your detention, you find one of your roommates – the loud one – standing there, looking completely unremorseful. He smiles cheerfully at you and talks the entire time. By the time you've finished scrubbing every single trophy, you don't despise him quiet as much.

After that, you start calling him by his real name, James, instead of referring to him as "the loud one," "the annoying one," and other unflattering monikers. James is all warmth and smiles and laughter and has the uncanny ability to make everyone around him either love or hate him. You're starting to shift into the former category.

By the time the first term ends, you, James, and your other two roommates – Remus and Peter – are more or less friends. It's still strange and surreal at times, but you all get along and make each other laugh. James is impossibly mischievous and has a fondness for pranks and he often drags the three of you into his schemes. With them, you laugh, you smile, you breathe more easily. The ache in your chest, the cold fear, and the staggering loneliness that's been a part of you all your life is slowly starting to fade.

You don't forget about Lily. You still think of her, still like to stare at the back of her head in class, but you don't dare talk to her or mention her to James. You wish you could make her smile again, but you're shy and awkward and don't know how to make it go away.

The awkwardness passes years later when your voice stops cracking and your limbs lose their clumsiness. Your body moves with an easy grace that still surprises you, and you can finally talk to girls without stumbling over your words. You desperately want to talk to Lily, to make her laugh, make her smile, to run your fingers through her long, shiny red hair.

But you don't. You don't do anything because the day you decide to talk to her is the day that James announces to you, Remus, and Peter that he's in love with Lily. Everything hurts and you feel that old, familiar coldness sweep through you. You listen attentively to James's monologues about Lily. You smile and nod and murmur words of encouragement.

You stop trying to catch her eye during breakfast, stop staring at her hair, stop fantasizing about being locked in a broom cupboard together because between Lily and James, you'll always choose James. He's the closest thing you'll ever have to family and you refuse to ruin that.

Lily spurns James' advances for years and you're secretly pleased. It always hurts to see James in pain, but you don't know if you can stomach the thought of seeing them together. You're selfish that way.

It's in seventh year, when the war is leaving everyone cold with fear, that Lily finally accepts James. You don't find out from James, or even Remus or Peter. You find out when you walk in on them kissing by the Quidditch pitch. The pull away and Lily blushes red while James gives you a dazed grin. You give a tight smile and quickly walk away. You can feel someone's stare all the way back to the castle.

James has never been happier and you force yourself to join in his celebrating. It's not as painful as you thought it would be. How could it when the most important person in your life is so happy? You've watched them both grow and change over the years. You've been amazed at James' loyalty and bravery. You've been moved by Lily's kindness. James is the best man that you've ever known and you know that he and Lily deserve each other. It's enough to take away some of the pain. Enough to make smiling and laughing almost bearable. You congratulate James and pull him into a tight hug. You know how much this means to him. Your eyes meet Lily and she gives you that same shy smile that took your breath away all those years ago.

You dream of red hair that night.


End file.
